Friday, July 30, 2010

There goes my baby...

So it's been a long summer already for our family. Football season is right around the corner....and I feel like it never left! Although i am SOOOOOO grateful that my husband is signed with a team right now...(even though they have YET to give us our checks they owe us for well....all of summer) I MISS MY HUSBAND!! I know everyone is sick of hearing it..but I do. he didn't leave for the weekend...or even the week...well not even the month!! I wont be seeing him again until SEPTEMBER!! Yes, you read it right people...september. I will be a single mother of 2 babies for at least 6 weeks. Im considering getting some kind of medication to get me through it (everyone else is Utah apparently takes Prozac...why not me??) hahaha IM KIDDING...or am i?

So in the mean time, me and the babies are here in the OC staying with my parents until final cuts determine our fates for the next several months. I miss Utah...i miss my friends and my family. But moving is definitely a change..and a welcomed one at that. I AM excited that there's so much at our fingertips...but we're literally straddling the line here. I don't mean to sound negative...I'm just being honest. I've decided that I need to be more honest on this blog...I don't ever want to come across like I don't have any worries or concerns because I do! I'm a woman after all.

Here's a bombshell...I've done it before...I've wondered what it would be like if all this time alone led me into the arms of another. (Not considered...just wondered..there's a difference, look it up) I reminisced for a second of how fun it was to start a new relationship with someone. all the butterflies and the excitement of knowing nothing about this person and still being so obsessed with brought a smile to my face. Then I imagined the life without Manase. My kids without their dad. And the worst one, Manase with another woman! Kissing someone else and holding someone else the way he does me...and that stopped me in my tracks. It's like this country song I heard recently...

When I think about cheatin'
I just think about you leavin'
And how my world would fall to pieces
If I tossed your love away
Even when I'm tempted by some stranger
Oh there's never any danger
I just think about you leavin'
When I think about cheatin'

Ha! and It's so true! There's a whole bunch of songs that come to mind when I think about losing Manase(honestly sometimes I wish life were a musical so we could just sing all our emotions out hahaha) especially another called "The one who holds my heart" by Luther Vandross. In the chorus he states "I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together than to have it easy apart." I love it! Sometimes pop icons say what I fell better than I ever could.

So next time you fight with your spouse...and you swear you would be better off without him...seriously think about that. Think about life would be like without him...and I bet you'll be a little bit less angry. Or just be like me and think of how it would be if he was loving someone else...i bet it would make you appreciate him a little bit more. :) So do something nice for that man of yours once in a while...

In case you missed it...i REALLY miss my other half.