Sunday, May 9, 2010
I don't think I ever really appreciated my Mother until I became one myself. Well, not that I didn't appreciate her, I just don't think I could ever understand the kind of love a mother has for her child until I had children of my own. After having Semisi, and seeing how enthralled I was with him, i started to think of the things I've said and done to my mom that broke her heart(mostly during my teenage years) and the thought brought tears to my eyes. I thought of all the unkind things I may have said to her purely out of anger, or even the things I had said when I was bitter or angry that she never even heard...and then I imagine my kids saying and doing those things to me and the feeling of guilt was overwhelming. As I sat that one day holding this new child in my arms and reflecting on the perfectness of his spirit, it was hard for me to imagine him as a stubborn teen. And by "hard" i mean heartbreaking! I knew how this little bundle I had worked nine long months forming made me melt. I knew how my heart swelled to full capacity at the mere sight of him. I thought of how I felt like I couldn't possibly love anything or anyone else like I loved this baby. I thought of Semisi yelling and fighting with me as a teenager, and thought that I wouldnt be able to help flashing back to that moment when he was a baby, lying in my arms and comforted by me..thats it, just being held by his mommy.
And then I thought of how my Mother feels the same about me and all her other children. I broke out into HEAVY torrents of tears. My heart broke...it broke so hard that I practically heard it! And that's when I TRULY appreciated my mother...and really HATED myself. I had no idea of the kind of love my mother felt for me, so when I tried to say things to hurt her feelings as I felt she had hurt mine(so immaturely), there was no way for me to know just how much those words cut her. I had no idea. Then again, I do think that the love a mother has for her child is one that cannot be explained. It's magnitude can only be felt.
Needless to say, my mother is AMAZING. I think of everything she did for me when I was younger, and I'm overwhelmed at the thought of trying to live up it. I don't know how she did it. all I know is that I'm trying everyday to be more like her. I want my kids to know the kind of mother I was fortunate enough to know. I want them to love coming home to a clean house, a cooked meal. I want to make them clothes, and quilts. I want them to love when I make my mom's supo, or corned beef gravy that only mom knows how to make right. I want them to love coming home, because those are some of the things I love about coming home to my mom. I wish I had her work ethic, her creativity, her loving touch. I wish I had her strength, her control, her giving heart, her testimony. I want more than anything to be but half of what she is.
Happy Mommy day, mommy. I love you more than words can say, and I appreciate you even more than that. You truly are my hero and everything I aspire to be. Thank you for showing me the kind of Mommy I need to be for my kids. You are my best friend and I love how our relationship has grown so close. I can talk to you about anything and I cherish the talks we have together. i love you.
Happy Mothers day to all you other Mothers out there. Especially my sister, as this is her first...I know she'll be an incredible mommy. You've always had the biggest heart of all of us, and it really shows when I see you with your new baby. Thank you for loving my babies like they're your own. One of my greatest joys as a mom is when people love my babies. and you and Vaea LOVE my babies...and you have no idea what that means to me. You too, are my best friend.
And also to my sister in law Kristen, who I'd rather call sister, without the in law crap, because she really is my sister in so many ways. Thanks for showing me how to be a great mom. You have no idea how much I wish I had so many of your awesome qualities. Your kids are always so clean and well dressed. They're well behaved, and they love us...and I know that comes from their mom. You're so good about cooking for them, and making them things like the quilts and clothes. You're an awesome mom. Love you guys. :)
Happy Mothers day!